


Catholic Redemption for a (former) Vampire

by Nocticola



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Also Madzi is mentioned briefly, Canon Asexual Character, Canon Bisexual Character, Episode: s03e19 Aku Cinta Kamu, Episode: s03e22 All Good Things..., Gen, It doesn't play a big enough part for me to tag the pairing but it is mentioned, Malec wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 09:34:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19129351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocticola/pseuds/Nocticola
Summary: "I might be a vampire but I was raised a good Catholic."Raphael is not a vampire anymore, but even when he was, he was still a good Catholic. Now he needs to find redemption for his sins.





	Catholic Redemption for a (former) Vampire

**Author's Note:**

> I hope my Lutheran based atheist self can do justice to Raphael's Catholicism.

Raphael doesn't quite know what to do during his first days as a human again. First he just does the things he's been deprived of all these years, like go to a morning mass, which brings him so many memories, he weeps at the sound of Latin. He visits his sister's grave for the first time and plant a rose bush, like her name. They shine in daylight and Raphael mourns all that he had to miss. 

A more trivial matter is trying out all the new foods that have been developed since he died, like cronuts. It's all amazing and new and familiar and sad, and yet Raphael knows there's something he should be doing with his new chance at life. Something good. 

After the morning mass, he talked to the priest, thanking him for the beautiful sermon. It really got him thinking of redemption, atonement and amends, and the differences between them. 

Even though his crimes feel overwhelming when he starts thinking about them, he knows where he needs to start. He is responsible for Heidi, so her crimes are his crimes. Especially the destruction of the New York werewolf pack.

When he gets to the Jade Wolf, it strikes him that the last time he was there, he had to use a portal in order to attack Simon during daylight hours , for threatening his sister. It feels so long ago, even though it isn't. A lot has changed since then. 

Inside Jade Wolf, Raphael finds Maia Robert, the current Alpha, and some man whose the name he doesn't know.

" _I’m Raphael Santiago. Former head of the New York clan. [You raised Heidi] It’s a regret I’ll live with until the day I die. I’m so sorry for what she did to your pack. I’m here to pay my respects. If you’ll have them."_ Maia and the man don't say anything, and Raphael takes it as a deserved rejection of his attempt at remorse. He understands, _"That’s OK. Um, I understand. I’ll just.._

But in reality, both of them are marveling at his ability to stand in the sun light, and Raphael can't resist enjoying it, this miracle, for just a moment, before he catches Maia up on what happened to him. 

He regrets having to tell them that most of the Heavenly Fire is gone, that he managed to be one of the recipient, even if he wasn't necessarily to most worthy of the gift. Because for Raphael, it is a gift.

Now he just needs to figure out what to do with it. He has a lot to make up for, and trying to start feels overwhelming. He finds himself going to the church a lot. The church was always a deeply important place to him, a connection to his family and heritage, and a place he thought might have space for someone like himself.

When he was a child, just starting to come to grips with his asexuality, without knowing what it was, he thought about becoming a priest. It wasn't the only reason, he felt like it would have been a good way for him to service his community, before his recklessness brought him into a vampire's lair. But before that happened, he felt his differences from his peers grow, as girls and boys found each other, yet he never felt the same desire. He knew priests were free of these assumptions, he thought of it as a good way to both hide and embrace his differences, and it would have made his mother proud. But he never had the chance. 

His situation is different now. He has words and explanations and a community. He doesn't have to hide his lack of interest behind faith and a collar. But he never stopped being a Catholic. Even when the holy water burned his skin, when he had to harden himself to say God's name, to ask forgiveness from _el dios_ , he never stopped. Maybe that is the answer. 

He goes to talk to the priest again, Father Gabriel, and he talks about the possibility of priesthood. 

"I've done a lot of bad things, _padre_. Is there forgiveness for me?" 

"Ours is a loving and forgiving God. If you are sincere in your repentance, and you work hard to fix what you have damaged, God will see it, and forgive you. If you are serious about this you could apply to the General Theological Seminary here. As long as your faith is strong and your intensions are good, I am sure you have what it takes." 

Raphael thanks the priest and takes the brochures. He could stay in New York, continue helping people here. His lifelong dream could be a reality. 

*** 

He needs to talk to Magnus about this. He knows his powers are back, and he is with Alec again, so he decides to call rather than visit him. He doesn't want to walk in on anything. 

He and Magnus talk a long while. Raphael is happy that Magnus is happy again because he deserves it. At first, Magnus is surprised by his plan. He is the son of a demon after all, and Raphael was a vampire just a few days ago. But like the Dad he is, Magnus supports Raphael, and Raphael is glad. He's all the family he has left. 

*** 

As Raphael prepares to go to the seminary, Hell breaks loose in New York, and Magnus makes the ultimare sacrifice. With Magnus at Edom, Raphael feels the loss of him deeply. He wonders whether he should do this at all. 

Luckily, just a few days later, Raphael gets an invitation to Magnus and Alec's wedding at the NY Institute. He is happy to attend, to see his Dad get married. 

Catarina Loss is Magnus' suggenes, so Raphael doesn't have a place in the ceremony but he is happy to just be there. Before the ceremony, he talks with Magnus, and he promises not to leave the Shadow world behind even as a human. Everything worked out for both of them and they share a long hug before Raphael goes back to his seat. 

Madzi sits next to him on the front row of Magnus' side, and it feels right, since they are pretty much Magnus' kids. The ceremony is beautiful, and he's never seen Magnus happier. Except when he and Alec have their first dance. 

He's glad to see Izzy and Simon there at the party. He thinks he can finally see Simon as a friend and he has left behind all the confusing feelings he used to have about Izzy. He is glad to see them both so happy together. 

And they in turn are happy if confused by his post-vampire life path but the more he thinks about it, more right it feels. He has a long way to go, both with getting back in touch with his humanity and his God, but he wants to do it. He wants to redeem his past by helping others. 

Magnus' wedding is the right place for his last night of getting loose and he really enjoys dancing and hanging out with Helen and Aline and everyone else. It's a beautiful night. 

The next day, he hears about Clary Fray's sacrifice, and he always knew the Angels were cruel, and vindictive, but doesn't think his own God is so callious. 

He makes his way to the seminary, and his never ending path to redemption begins.


End file.
